Yoga’s Life Lessons

I’ve practiced yoga for over a dozen years. I continue to suck at it, but it has provided me with valuable insights on my journey of life that I otherwise wouldn’t have.

I’ve learned not to judge. That struggle lays in judgment. If you observe the tiny young lady in front of you, who is wearing size 5/6 and can bend like a pretzel and you like a Pringle, that can snap, smile, her time will come.

If you ever get stuck in a pose, make like you’re a pro and let your strained face, filled with pain, be an indication you’re really into the stretch. Don’t let on that you need Emergency Medical Services to untangle you.

If a pose is hard and you’re not in the mood, you can always revert to one that is simple. Every pose is equal in yoga, which is why it’s such a lovely practice and each serves a purpose. Don’t be afraid to opt out if you’re experiencing an attitude problem.

You can calculate your ‘Coopers Droop’ weekly while doing ‘Cat – Cow’ pose.

‘Shavashana’ better known as ‘Corpse’ pose or as I call it ‘Yoga Nap Time,’ allows you to catch an easy ten-minute alpha rest that will compensate for the sleep you’re not getting at night. A practice that can take you from closing your eyes to snoring like a buzz saw in a snap of a finger.

Breathing is the essence of all yoga stretches. It needs to be as long and fluid like the Chardonnay bottle waiting on your kitchen counter.

Staring down at one’s feet while doing yoga is a cruel reminder of how we overstayed our welcome in high heeled shoes during the sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties, hell, our entire lifetime.

Yoga is spectacular for sciatica and back issues. With the right stretches and regularity, you’ll be dancing Hip-Hop before you know it, at least in your head.

Consider wearing a top that will contain the puppies. It’s never good to have them swinging around like weapons as you’re getting into ‘Warrior III’ pose.

If you can’t hold your balance while doing ‘Vrksasana,’ ‘Tree’ pose don’t sweat it. It’s for show-offs anyway. You can always find a support beam in the class and rest your elbow against it. It gives you an opportunity to wink and point at others that you’re cool and you’ve got this.

Yoga is one of the most acceptable places to fart. Just as burping is acceptable in certain cultures, tooting in yoga means you’re crushing it. If you’re going to fart then do it confidently and own it with a look of “I’m working it.”

Child’s pose ‘Balasana’ is as essential as ‘Bakasana,’ ‘Crane’ pose. That is balancing your body weight on your two arms appearing as graceful as a crane. Alternatively, ‘Child’s’ pose has you on the ground, bent knees, arms stretched, bum down and resting. The only thing you’re balancing is your meal plan in your head.  Your arms continue to get a good stretch so you can comfortably reach the cookies on the top shelf once you get home.

A great yoga mat is like a great duvet. It needs to be clean, support you and make you happy as you toss and turn all over it. Keep it fresh and ensure your pets don’t chew on so it continues to look like a mat not a slice of swiss cheese.

If your yoga wear ever appears too tight, it’s never your fault. Forget that you overindulged several months before. Know that it’s always the manufacturer’s fault.

‘Salamba Sarvangasana,’ ‘Shoulder Stand’ is empowering to do. It’s not a handstand, but it feels close enough, and you can do it while on your back. Bonus.

‘Plough’ pose or ‘Halasana’ should never be done unless you’re feeling it. You could feel suffocated without knowing it or worse yet break wind right in your face which is so wrong.

The fact you have the guts to get out there and push your temple to its limits speaks to the tenacity, dedication and love you have for yourself. That is a reward all unto itself. Don’t hesitate to further acknowledge that fact with a celebratory glass of wine following your practice.

Finally, and this is important, don’t ever eat Indian food within 24 hours of doing yoga unless you have a carbon insert designed from Nasa in the gusset of your yoga pants. Otherwise, you will be doing ‘Craponya’ pose.

Namaste