I Crushed Lent

Best Lent Ever! For those not clear on what that is, it is a practice to mark Christ’s 40 days in the desert. There are lots of ways to recognize the tradition from 40 days of fasting to 40 days of performing acts of kindness.

I don’t regularly practice Lent, but curiously this year I decided to. I have a more practical approach than my Catholic upbringing which dictates suffering and deprivation. For me, it’s about investing in one’s spiritual growth. It’s not about religion but rather a process concerning my alignment with the Universe. It has taken me over 56 years to figure this Lent thing out, and this year I crushed it. I chose something in myself that I didn’t like, stuck to it, became present, noticing each time it surfaced. I declared its time was up, and it was going to have to leave. Ultimately, divorcing myself from a belief system.

It felt like a fight. I wanted it to pack its bags and move out. Not dissimilar to dumping an old toxic infatuation, realizing there never was any chemistry. I enabled its existence and spent way too much energy housing it. Upon that realization, I saw the anchor that it had become. Goodbye was all that was left. As for the irritant itself, it was nothing more than a variable in a kaleidoscope of aspects of myself that chose to surface. The critical part was its eviction.

I wasn’t going to give up wine or Tequila. Both were unnecessary sacrifices for no good reason. Cussing wasn’t going anywhere; it’s what’s saving me from having an ulcer. Those are all choices not nuisances on my hard drive. At this age, I discovered I have so few vices. How boring I’ve become.  Focusing on augmenting my Higher Self is what was showing up, so I went for it.

At one time, the payback of this aspect of myself blindly served, or so I thought, as I mindlessly accommodated it until I didn’t. Once you decide to rid something from your hard drive, that belief system shows up for you like a tsunami in different incarnations. Our ego wakes up and says WTF?! You have no right to change the programming. Meanwhile, your subconscious recites incidents, where you succumbed to a way of being that you know is inauthentic to who you are. You experience how out of alignment you are, and can’t be surprised to see the crap that shows up in your life. It typically does when one is unconscious.

Initially, I was tenacious towards this aspect of myself, noticing it and releasing it as it showed up repeatedly while realizing how deep it laid nestled in me. I’ve read that it takes as little as 21 days to break a habit. For me, it takes a bit of forever plus the 40 days. Perhaps I was ready to shed this particular irritant. Imparted to me through my parent’s belief system, I had happily housed it. I learned once something is on our hard drive it’s difficult to release but not impossible. To become present to it is all it took.

If you walk around all day with a chair on your back, then that’s all you know, and you adapt. Until one day you want to sit on the couch and the chair is in the way. That’s what this affliction was like for me. It wasn’t as big as a chair; it was small and irritating consistently showing up until I kicked its ass out of my life. Every time it surfaced to sabotage me I nailed it. I wasn’t giving in, and with enough practice, I began not to. Being aware and present is exhausting and exhilarating. No wonder avatars are meditating all the time. I needed to nap as my head, and my heart went at it. I had to think differently and not go to that lazy mental reflex that was my usual way of being. Our modus operandi is not to be present or conscious, and I was now operating outside of that.

That annoyance still shows up but with far less regularity, and when it does, I notice it and release it. The result is amazing. The payback it once gave me, an illusion of what I now experience. Better alignment with the Universe equates to a more elevated level of peace and joy. I still get pissed off and continue to be the flawed human being that I am, but a little less so. The journey we walk is all about our expansion. We all have aspects that need an alignment. The point is I can now see my way to the sunny side of the street instead of being in the shade. The awareness is making all the difference.

The belief that life is hard was passed down to me.  A script that many are familiar with and one that isn’t particularly creative. To that, I say “not my monkey, not my circus.” Life is all about alignment. It is our natural place of well being. When you are in it, you know it. Satiated in a manner that language cannot begin to articulate. Filled with an intoxicating serenity and wonder, it’s a sacred experience. When shit happens, we get to experience the contrast to that recognizing we’re out of alignment. Being conscious, we can make choices to get us back into alignment. It’s all there. We only need to be aware of reading the signs.

I’m excited about my new perspective. Nothing outside of me has changed, I’ve changed, more accurately, my awareness has improved. I know I have a bucket full of irritants and they will continue to surface for me. For now, I will toast my success by declaring “Right f*$%ing on!” as I smile and toss back a celebratory shot of Tequila.