Ahh-Choo!

It’s the last day of the year, and I’ve spent a good chunk of the holiday season flat on my ass sick as a dog with some virus that has gone around. Despite my diligent efforts of utilizing gloves, using antibacterial wash and employing disposable wipes I am defeated by a bug that I have no control over. My ego bruised as the best hopes of maxing out the days are now just dreams flushed down the toilet. I am forced to cancel invitations and instead get buried under a warm duvet while sipping cold medicine like it’s expensive champagne. I rediscover the brilliance and necessity of extra soft tissues that I pull on relentlessly as a slew of rom-coms play in the background while I fade in and out of consciousness. With my head swollen my awareness is disconnected from life and yet somehow I am very present. The irritated and chapped red nose, which might otherwise be associated with Rudolph, is now basted in a thick coat of calendula ointment resembling a nasty upper lip hair removal. All of it a visual sign of a powerhouse woman struck down, a fatality of the energy exerted over the holiday season. Making it almost to the finish line but not quite. A valiant effort. As I wallowed in a low buzz state that one can get from cold medicine, the Universe spoke. “Accept your vulnerability as much as your strength for it is an aspect of your tenacity.” I’m sure it was the cough medicine talking but either way it resonated with me. I laid in bed buried in my comforter, pondering this insight while sporting bedhead resembling a character from a Dr. Seuss book. My flannel pyjamas as wrinkled as my tissues. A beautiful mess.

My family checked in on me as they were coming and going with their busy lives. I laid quietly in that dark abyss that time had forgotten present to how achy and stuffed up my body had become. At that moment a thought poured over me, I was old. Though fleeting it was nasty so I immediately released it. I then reached over and pulled out my day timer. Written in pencil were lists of things I planned to achieve during the last week of December only to realize none of them were attainable. Life had boxed me in the head. I was visual evidence of that. As sacred and magical as Christmas is, it is by far one of the biggest production days for women. We shop, cook, prepare, call, confirm, mail, ship, replace, organize, wash, drive, return, amend, taxi, bake, clean and that isn’t even the beginning so that everyone around us can have a Merry Christmas, and then we crash. No surprise I am where I am. I put myself here. I have no choice except to surrender and become peaceful in that release. Seeing it as a time of reflection in the calendar year to examine the insights that have unfolded for me.

I remind myself that the control I believe I have is an illusion and how knowing that sucks. The only domination I have is over my thoughts. Whether they are birthed out of a place of possibility or out of fear. That being vulnerable is having the courage to show up knowing we will have no control over the outcome, and that’s okay. That being in surrender is when the magic happens, and the healing takes hold. When we let down our resistance, then we allow the alchemy to step up. That trust in life, the Universe, God, Life Source whatever resonates for you, is mandatory for us to stand in our alignment and gather our strength to move forward. That no matter how dire things can look, if you allow some space they can work out. Maybe not to your design but to a Higher good if you can give yourself distance to see that. It’s a hard place to be, and yet sometimes we are forced there so we can open ourselves up to seeing what we’re supposed to witness through the lens of our heart, not our head. To quote John Lennon, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” Lastly, I’ve come to appreciate that time is not linear. Though I didn’t get everything done that I had hoped to, I satisfied priorities earlier in the month that will positively impact what is outstanding. Then it hits me. Having this virus was the best way for me to reaffirm those insights.

In that stream of thought, I wish for each of you 2018 filled with insights and enlightenment.

Remember, the best is not behind us it is yet to come. Embrace it.

Happy New Year Ladies!