And They Lived Happily Ever After

Meghan and Harry got married this weekend. Good for them.

My news feeds have been inundated with reports about the future Princess and Prince. Being a Canadian and part of the Commonwealth countries I’ve grown up with the influence of royalty my entire life, so I’m not that excited about it, but I am happy for them. Truth is, this weekend there will be many couples tying the knot. What they will all have in common is the same wedding anniversary and the promise that brought them together.

That being said, I’m listening to the language being used by the press focused on the litany of benefits the soon to be Princess will be the benefactor of. That perhaps due to their circumstances there exists a sort of immunity for them as they join the rest of the world in marital bliss from a privileged vantage point. That’s an illusion.  I think that’s feeding an old myth, but one that advertising revenues can be generated from consequently why it exists.

Sure they’ll have a beautiful house and staff and a lot more assistance then a typical newly married couple, but that’s just mechanics. That doesn’t guarantee success in a marriage. They will still have to manage the day to day crap that surfaces like the rest of us. The limitations, disagreements and the ten million other things that make up the dynamics of a strong marriage. The ‘life’ aspect that no one has control over will be no different for them. How hard they fight for their union will deem its success, nothing else.

Marrying into royalty doesn’t mean happiness. The late Princess Diana would attest to that. I bet she instilled the importance of things that were universal like love, joy and happiness in both her sons to spare them from experiencing the pain that she went through. For the observer, it’s easy to be blinded by collateral benefits that may be lacking in our own world believing if we had access to them then we’d somehow be exempt from struggle, but that’s an illusion too. Observing the privileges of others and the ease it may appear to bring is our story, not theirs. None of this will influence the success of their union. Ancillary assistance does not fulfill dreams even though we wish to believe otherwise. The magic is knowing how to walk through the difficult times, have the difficult conversations and know that ego has no place in a marriage.

I will not quibble that a staff and a fabulous abode amongst a host of other things will be an advantage. It will help the logistics of everyday living. Making their load considerably lighter and eliminating the day to day stresses. But there is no book written or materials that Harry will have access to that will answer that age-old question, ‘Honey do I look fat in this dress?” He will be faced with the same incriminating questions as every other husband. If he answers yes, he’s a fool. If he dances around the subject, a novice. If he’s silent and gives her a kiss on the cheek, he’ll be experienced. All things Harry will have to figure out because that’s what marriages are. Figuring it all out.

They’ll both be embroiled in the same types of conversations as the rest of us because that’s part of the complexion of marriage. Those petty touches of sarcasm that can sometimes surface just as one is about to leave the house. An argument ensues and the entire evening is cast in a shadow because of it. He then chooses to fart at some inopportune time, and she’s hugely embarrassed while he is proud. He laughs, and she’s furious. The drive home is silent. Whatever the situation, often times it will be petty, sometimes not, but neither of them will be immune to any of it. Despite all the glitz and glam surrounding their nuptials, they will have to tow the line the same as everyone else and perhaps even harder at having a successful marriage because of the pressures that will be surrounding them. Marriage is tough. Strip away the embellishments, and you have two people who really love each other and are looking to buckle in for the ride. Seeing that we all belong to only one family, humanity, we need to show love and respect towards our partners, no matter our station in life. I believe they are living that.

I don’t know anything about royalty. In my delusional mind, I’m a Slovak Princess. However, what I don’t know about the monarchy, I make up for when it comes to experience in marriage. There is no Princess story anymore. We are our own heroines in our personal narratives. We don’t need a Prince to rescue us. We never did. The children’s author, Robert Munsch, got that right in 1980 when he wrote the ‘Paperbag Princess.’ She saves the Prince from a dragon, the Prince tells her to come back when she looks more like a Princess to which she basically says “You’re a bum, I’m outta here,” and becomes the star in her own life. Marriage is about having a life partner who will bear witness to your life as you bear witness to theirs.

I believe an aspect of that will be in Meghan and Harry’s wedding. They will be the modern interpretation where both will support the other, and that’s what it’s all about. The Prince and Princess will get married. They will have a stunning fairytale wedding. At the end of the day, the Duke and Duchess will wear underwear like the rest of us. Their feet will hurt from long days of doing what they do, and they will argue and have disagreements because like us they are flawed human beings. They will have no immunity against the destiny of their marriage. It will be up to them to fight for it and for each other.

The fairy tale isn’t as remotely romantic as the passion that exists between two people who are fiercely committed to each other. Having that person’s back on the road of life as they have yours, through thick and thin, ‘in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.’ That inspiration, perspiration, and passion. That is true love. Where you want for nothing because you have the most important thing. Love.

Meghan and Harry will learn what many of us have experienced. A successful marriage is not built on a foundation of privilege and embellishments. It is built on Grace and grit.

A toast to the bride and groom!