Happy Valenmas

Valentine’s, like Christmas, needs to be every day. We tend to go out of our comfort zone around Christmas feeling more extroverted because of the word – Christmas. Instead, one might consider establishing a daily practice of generosity and kindness. The same is true for Valentines. Love is every moment of every day. That’s the headspace we should be in not the superficiality of Valentines but rather the essence of it – love.

I am fond of the week preceding Valentines catching up on all the romcoms and romantic movies. When it comes to romantic films, it is my Achilles heel. I watch them with tissue and tea. In ‘Bridges of Madison County’ I’m screaming “open the car door, Francesca, and get his address!” She chooses to honour her vows over her heart. In ’Sleepless in Seattle,’ I’m telling Meg Ryan to “cross the street already and talk to the guy, what’s a matter with you?” as Meg nearly gets run over catching the attention of Tom Hanks. In ‘Madam X,’ I’m sobbing as I blow into another tissue telling Lana Turner, “the lawyer is your son, and your husband knows it’s you.” There is ‘Letters to Juliet’ where I weep thoroughly satisfied with the story and of course ‘Waiting to Exhale.’ Four women, their lives, and their friendship. I’ve watched those movies and others including ‘Under the Tuscan Sun,’ and ‘Sabrina” hundreds of times. My family parodies me to which I lovingly flip them the bird.

Those films are about the power of love. As we mature and with the breadth of experiences we have acquired, our comprehension of Love expands. We come to understand its deeper meaning. Forgiveness is love as is discipline and respect for ourselves and others. If we are indeed living in love, then we are living in a manner where we are accountable to everyone including ourselves.  Having affection for ourselves and others is as much about the warm and fuzzy bonding as it is about rolling up our sleeves and cleaning up the crap we’ve created that has negatively impacted others. Love is being in integrity and love asks for nothing. It cannot live in embellishment nor can it be present inauthentically. You know love because its absence hurts. It is what brings us into our alignment.  We all need it. It is food for our soul. When we are in love or surrounded by love, we feel amazing. Real love is recognizing the other person wholly and completely for who they are as ourselves warts and all. I’m still learning about love but here are 14 things I’ve come to discover at this stage of the game.

1. The things that both annoy us and delight us about our partner are all aspects of ourselves.
2. No one has the power to complete us, except us. Take that Jerry Maguire.
3. A union is about two people standing side by side looking out in the same direction. Not one in front of the other.
4. Pain in a marriage can hurt more than a lost appendage. During those times walk through the pain with love at your side. It is a path filled with awareness, expansion, compassion, and insight. Where there is love, there is light even in profoundly challenging situations.
5. In the spirit of self-love permit yourself to break up with anything that doesn’t serve your Higher Self.
6. The intention behind the wedding ring holds the brilliance, not its physical representation. No diamond can ever sparkle as bright as one’s devotion to another. Even a cigar band can glisten with a powerful intention.
7. The magic isn’t in the wedding; the magic is in the marriage and working to keep it fresh, nurturing and expansive.
8. As long as you both don’t fall out of love at the same time, you can transcend your difficulties.
9. Laughter is sacred and fundamental in a loving union. It is impossible to hold another thought when we are laughing.  It forces us to be in the present.
10. You can never run out of love. You can dispense unconditional love continually. That doesn’t mean that you give away trust, Grace, loyalty, and honour. Through the conduit of love, virtues are earned, not handed out blindly or recklessly.
11. How sweet our reflection is in the eyes of the one who loves us.
12. Our most significant loving relationship in this lifetime is with ourselves or our ‘Higher Selves.’ That part connected to the Soul, Source, God, Life, The Universe, whatever resonates with you.  It is what defines all of our other relationships.
13. Don’t underestimate how beautiful we appear to the one who loves us. Own it.
14. Finally, a toast to Cupid’s mother who is in the background except she’s not. She’s in each of us. She’s the profound love we have for family and friends. She is with our girlfriends and our sisterhood who have been there for us through thick and thin. She’s there when it comes to believing in ourselves. Supporting us as we initiate something new and catching us should we fall. Giving us the courage to jump when we don’t have the fearlessness for ourselves. She’s the laughter and hilarity that magically diminishes mountains into molehills and gets us right back on the horse. She has fierce allegiance. She is you.

Make it a great day and do something sweet for yourself.

Happy Valenmas Ladies!